


Subspace Texting

by Elfwreck



Category: Blake's 7, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Community: intoabar, Crack, Crossover, Humour, M/M, Snark, Texting, handwaving past canon, weekend hookups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 09:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2646077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfwreck/pseuds/Elfwreck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avon and Kirk hook up at a pleasure resort. Afterward, Kirk, either recognizing Avon's computer skills or enamoured of that thing he does with his tongue, tries to convince him to join Starfleet. </p><p>From the <a href="http://intoabar.dreamwidth.org">Ficathon Walks Into a Bar</a> prompt: Kerr Avon walks into a bar and meets... Captain Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Subspace Texting

* * *

Subspace Frequency 13654.98.513.45  
 **Stardate 6923.5.017**  
KIRK: Kerr, please let me show you the Federation I know.  
AVON: Kirk, I told you to call me AVON. One weekend on Risa does not make us friends.  
KIRK: Avon, then. You know, in some cultures, we'd be married after how we spent that weekend.  
AVON: In some cultures, we'd be drawn and quartered after how we spent that weekend.  
KIRK: Let's split the difference. I'll get you a job.  
AVON: I have a job. I'm a career criminal.  
KIRK: The Federation could use a man of your talents.  
AVON: The Federation *did* use a man of my talents. I, however, managed to escape.

 **Stardate 6923.5.018**  
KIRK: Your career choice doesn't seem to have much long-term security.  
AVON: Security, or lack thereof, is Vila's department. I'm more concerned with options. And money.  
KIRK: We have options.  
AVON: I notice you didn't mention money.  
KIRK: We don't need money anymore. Everyone has food, shelter, education and medical care.  
AVON: If you don't have money, how did you pay for the trip to Risa?  
KIRK: We have a small stipend usable for non-Federation expenses. Most people don't travel offworld and never need money.  
AVON: Everyone needs money. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.

 **Stardate 6923.5.019**  
KIRK: At least a Starfleet career would have fewer firefights.  
AVON: I like keeping my options open. I also like the option to shoot the idiots who annoy me most.  
KIRK: You haven't shot Vila.  
AVON: Shows what you know.

 **Stardate 6923.5.020**  
KIRK: We have supercomputers on abandoned bases and rogue AI's you could work on.  
AVON: No thanks; there are quite enough rogue AI's in my life. It turns out they're more appealing in the abstract.

 **Stardate 6923.5.021**  
KIRK: You can't possibly prefer life as a fugitive to 3 meals a day and a stable roof over your head.  
AVON: Are you sure you've got the right number? I can give you Vila's if you want it.  
AVON: Wait, how did you even get this number?  
KIRK: I have a friend who's good with Subspace comms.  
AVON: I thought I'd removed Subspace from my reception channels.  
KIRK: She can match any frequency. Just needs an incentive to make it worth her effort.  
AVON: What'd you have to do to get access to my number?  
KIRK: Had to promise to stop hitting on her boyfriend.

 **Stardate 6923.5.022**  
AVON: I prefer life as a fugitive to life in a prison, no matter how pretty you make it.  
KIRK: You wouldn't be facing prison. Just a few security measures.  
AVON: "A few" security measures is rather like "a little bit" pregnant. They don't get smaller or less intrusive over time.  
KIRK: I could sweeten the deal.  
AVON: Okay, I'll bite. What have you got to offer that I can't get for myself?  
KIRK: You mentioned wanting to talk to Spock.  
AVON: I mentioned wanting to *bone* Spock. Also, I was drunk at the time.  
KIRK: I inferred that the sober translation was "talk to."  
AVON: "Bone" is not a euphemism for "talk." Quite the reverse.  
AVON: You inferred wrong. Vulcans are notoriously poor conversationalists.  
KIRK: I beg to differ.  
AVON: Beg all you want. I'm not turning myself in.  
KIRK: What if I could get you a pardon.  
AVON: No deal. Federation pardons evaporate when they become politically inconvenient.

 **Stardate 6923.5.023**  
KIRK: I don't know where you got the impression that the Federation is some sort of oppressive tyranny. We're a democracy, for God's sake.  
AVON: Ten billion wannabe despots all hoping for their turn wielding the axe.  
KIRK: It's not like that.  
AVON: I don't know what alternate universe your Federation lives in, but yes it is.  
KIRK: We have principles!  
AVON: You have guns.  
KIRK: You've had a few encounters with a team of dishonorably discharged officers. You haven't met the real Federation.  
AVON: I've met their blasters.  
KIRK: You've met some renegades we're trying to haul into prison.  
AVON: Funny, that's exactly what they say about me.

 **Stardate 6923.5.024**  
KIRK: You really should join Starfleet.  
AVON: You really should get over me.  
KIRK: I'm not hung up on you!  
AVON: Then the guy who stole your phone is.  
KIRK: …  
AVON: For the last time: I'm not desperate, I'm not impoverished, and I'm not joining.


End file.
